Skip to content Skip to sidebar Skip to footer

7 Reasons the INFJ Rubs People the Wrong Way

Despite their inner caring, empathetic and nurturing nature, INFJs aren’t everyones cup of tea. With a reluctance to open up about themselves and a deeply imaginative thought process, some people can’t quite figure the INFJ out. But how does it get to the point of rubbing people the wrong way?

Source :

7 Reasons the INFJ Rubs People the Wrong Way

1. Invisible Boundaries

INFJs need boundaries to effectively use their empathic and intuitive functions.. But they’re not exactly great at communicating those boundaries to the people that they affect. In fact, sometimes it’s not until the heat of the moment where an INFJ clues in that they’re are some major boundaries that need to be set.

For example, if an INFJ finds themselves in a new found relationship with someone who likes to show public displays of affection such as kissing and cuddling in public, instead of communicating that they don’t enjoy it, they may just become distant, cold or obviously uninterested in hopes that they won’t have to say it bluntly.

This can make it considerably difficult for people closest to the INFJ when it comes to knowing when they’re overstepping these invisible boundaries. And if it goes on for long enough, unfortunately the consequence results in the people in an INFJs life feeling as though they’re walking on eggshells - never knowing when one might crunch!

2. Seemingly Silent Judgments

With deep observations and endless analyzing being two of the INFJ’s favorite past times, anyone that has been around an INFJ can probably say they’ve witnessed their analyzing-tendencies in action. Yet, sometimes it can be taken the wrong way.. Especially when someone is the main focal point of their observation.

In fact, if you don’t know an INFJ well enough, this deep analysis can look a lot like silent judgment. The classic INFJ stare, for example, can easily be misunderstood for negative intentions. When in reality being observed by the INFJ should be taken as a compliment, as the INFJ is only drawn to people that they want to know more about.

And although most INFJs do have strong opinions on matters, they are also deeply imaginative and open-minded - meaning they always give people the benefit of the doubt before making any judgments.

3. Quiet & Mysterious Demeanor

Similar to their misunderstood observing tendencies, the INFJ tends to carry themselves with a reserved and mysterious demeanor that can definitely make some people uncomfortable. Although this seemingly peculiar behavior can ironically be considered one of the INFJs most attractive qualities, it all depends on who you’re asking.

For people who try to observe the INFJ themselves, it can be unsettling to know that their surface behaviours don’t really provide much insight into who they are as people. Unlike more extraverted types, the INFJ keeps a lot of their inner thoughts and feelings to themselves. They don’t need to share their insights to know how interesting they are.

And so, to avoid misunderstandings they often linger in the background of social scenarios and keep to themselves. Yet unfortunately this can make them seem like they’re up to no good or just really not enjoying the company.. Which may or may not be true - no judgment here INFJs! 

4. They Genuinely Want to Help

You’re probably thinking “Why would wanting to help make other people uncomfortable?”.. Well, in a world of give and take, most people can’t fathom the fact that INFJs actually get a thrill out of lending a hand. For example, when it comes to careers, INFJs usually opt for something that helps humanity in one way or another, with the money coming as a secondary reward.

Most people would hear that and say “Ya right! Who would turn down a higher paying job to help humanity?”.. Well my friends, INFJs.. INFJs would. Yet, to some people, they may think INFJs only claim to want to help others to make them seem like good people, or maybe to win some brownie points in a job interview.

In reality, however, this is a quality that INFJs almost don’t have the option to overlook. While they can understand the attraction to money, their empathetic nature drives them to need some type of emotional reward that money can’t provide. A reward that most people can go without.

5. Mood Swings

Speaking of walking on eggshells, INFJs are prone to sudden shifts in their frame of mind when under high-stress. Although they’re usually able to work under pressure, when there’s too much expected of them they can easily fall into their mood-swinging ways.

With extraverted sensing in particular, when someone with the INFJ personality type is already feeling burnt out, they can find that their mood is a direct product of their environment. And as a result, this lack of control over their mood and high sensitivity to their surroundings can make them seem extremely conditional and unpredictable to the people around them.

They can seem more sensitive to criticisms, other people’s energies, outer stimuli and changes of plans, than their use to. Try to cheer an INFJ up in their low times and you can easily expect a very uncharacteristic cold shoulder or a brief reply hinting they want to be left alone. This side of the INFJ that usually only emerges when they’re stressed can be seriously surprising for people to witness, and can definitely rub them the wrong way.

6. Overly Deep and Introspective

In the eyes of an INFJ, the world isn’t introspective enough.. But to the world, INFJs can sometimes seem to play the role of the guru nobody really asked for. Of course, there are other personality types that actually admire the INFJs ability to deep dive into the simplest of concepts. Yet, not everyone is as willing to go as deep as the INFJ likes to take most things.

Especially when it comes to conspiracies, spirituality, taboo topics, unpopular opinions, controversial and personal matters - some personality types tend to look at the INFJ’s viewpoints as woo-woo or even irrelevant. But, it’s not just that. In fact, deep conversations can be extremely intimidating for certain types of people, making them feel uncomfortable and vulnerable.

Well.. it’s not everyday that you’re challenged to talk about the ulterior motives of the government or the concept of humans being formed from stars.. But those are most likely the types of conversations you’ll get when chatting with an INFJ - and some people just don’t jive with it.

7. Wanting to Know More About People

“So.. what was your childhood like?” Odd question? Not to the INFJ! Speaking of deep-diving into topics, there’s nothing an INFJ loves more than getting to know what makes someone tick. Yet, when you’re the topic of conversation, there’s no doubt it can get a little uncomfortable for some people.

Especially when considering the fact that INFJs are so reluctant to open up about themselves in the first place, when they’re interested in getting to know someone on a deeper level, the conversation can have an underlying interview-like vibe that makes certain people uncomfortable.

Of course, INFJs have their ways of avoiding coming off as too overbearing or intrusive, but some people don’t want to be the centre of attention at all. And as a result, some people may think the INFJ is reading them on a level that they don’t even quite know themselves; asking questions that they’ve never even thought of answering.

They may question why the INFJ wants to know such things, and what benefit they get out of it because of their inability to relate to the INFJs uncanny interest in humans.