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8 Weird Things INFJs Are Secretly Jealous Of

8 Weird Things INFJs Are Secretly Jealous Of

Insecurities, perceived self-inadequacies and perfectionism are nothing new to the INFJ personality type.. However, do they know that with these personal challenges combined, they can set themselves up for unnecessary envy and jealousy?

Do these innate traits cause them to be considered one of the more jealous MBTI types? And most importantly, what exactly is it that sends the INFJ into a jealous mindset?

When Their Closest Friend or Partner Spends Time With Others

The first jealousy response of the INFJ personality type happens to be the underlying envy that comes when they have to ‘share’ their favorite person. When the INFJ cares about someone deeply, they take the connection very seriously.

While it’s certainly not an internal reaction that they’re proud of, and most likely rarely admitted, the INFJ can’t help but to question their valued connections when they see that their closest person can show the same bond with other people.

While it may seem a little possessive at times, this response is rooted in the fact that the INFJ can’t relate to how easily other people tend to let new connections come about, but also because they aren’t able to be themselves in the company of others.

This means they’re not only jealous of the fact that maybe their friend or partner has similar deep relationships with other people, but that they themselves have such a hard time doing the same.

In fact, this is one of the INFJ’s biggest challenges when it comes to automatic emotional response and their innate logic. They know it’s a personal problem, yet they still might pull away, feeling unwanted and pathetic. And because of that, they usually only become angry at themselves when this type of jealousy makes its presence.

Seeing Other People Effortlessly Enjoying Socializing

Speaking of personal problems, it tends to be the common denominator of the majority of INFJ jealousy. This includes the FOMO they have when watching how easily it is for others to enjoy socializing.

Sure, this social-chameleon can get along with just about anyone they meet, but that doesn’t mean that they’re necessarily enjoying themselves while doing it. Since it takes so long for the INFJ to open up and actually play their own character, they can end up feeling a sense of imposter syndrome in most social settings.

They walk away feeling like they’ve successfully played the role of ‘sociable human’, yet they feel even more distanced from themselves and the people they mingled with. And so.. when they see someone effortlessly opening up, being themselves and creating real, genuine connections, they can end up questioning what it is they’re missing.

Romantic Relationships

Romantic jealousy is something most single INFJs will be able to relate to. In fact, even some INFJs that are considered to be in a happy relationship may still be met with this feeling of missing out on one romantic aspect or another. Unfortunately, INFJ’s can’t get away from comparing themselves and their lives with others.

And while they’re extroverted sensing function actually uses other people’s lives and experiences as a learning ground for their own knowledge, it can end up being quite the self-sabotaging trait at times. And since most INFJs struggle with finding that fairytale romance they’ve longed for since childhood, other people’s romantic connections end up being a subconscious focal point.

Although they know it’s not the most logical thing to do, some INFJs have the habit of looking at other’s romantic connections with rose colored glasses. Contributing to their at-times unrealistic views of love, this romantic jealousy can make them feel that finding a similar romance for themselves is unattainable.

Watching Someone Flourish in Their Purpose

If there’s one thing the INFJ has a deeper longing for besides finding ‘the one’, it would be that of finding their purpose in life. Purpose is everything to this personality type, and without it they feel lost beyond comparison.

So, when it comes to watching others clearly find and flourish within a purposeful endeavor in life, they can feel like they’re not trying hard enough. Of course, when there's a moral purpose behind someone’s chosen direction, one side of the INFJ’s thinking process can’t help but to cheer them on.

However, when it comes back to self-reflection, as everything in the INFJ experience does, they can’t avoid wondering when it’s going to be their time. They may even become jealous over someone’s work ethic, or their ability to put themselves out there to find that motivating purpose.

Luckily, after a little non-admitted self pity, this type of jealousy can actually encourage the INFJ to try a little harder or experiment with alternative directions in life and career..which isn’t necessarily out of character. Which brings us to..

When Someone Excels in an INFJ’s Speciality

There’s very few instances where the INFJ sticks with a hobby or new endeavor long enough to master it. Although mastery and meaning is usually their ultimate goal when heading in a new direction, the experience and knowledge-thirsty INFJ can’t help but to crave newness when it comes to their personal progress.

However, in rare instances, they find a niche where they can’t help but to contribute their time, energy, resources and even money to excel. When the INFJ finds a hobby, topic or career that resonates deeply within them, they feel on top of the world - especially if that speciality is appreciated by others.

They love to be the go-to person for a specific skill or knowledge they’ve obtained, and they’re not exactly thrilled when someone comes to take their place. While the conflict-avoidant INFJ is one of the least competitive types, they can’t help but to feel self-critical when someone does what they’re so good at.. better. In fact, it can be so over-taking that they give up entirely.

People Who Seem Completely Content With Their Life

Similar to the jealousy that comes when an INFJ observes someone living out their purpose in life, the INFJ can feel seriously envious of people who are perceived to be simply content with the life they’re living. People who are perceived to live in the moment, practice gratitude, contribute to their valued connections, and have set the necessary boundaries in their life.

For, the INFJ knows not everyone is always longing for more to feel content with their lives, and sometimes they wish they were able to just be happy with what they have. And while they’re quite aware that nobody’s life is perfect, they also know that happiness is a state of mind. A state of mind that can feel foreign to them, to say the least.

The most ironic aspect of it all is that because INFJ’s tend to project an image of a well-maintained life and balanced mental health, most people probably wish they shared a similar contentedness to the INFJ. When in reality, there’s never a time the INFJ isn’t planning their next step.


In most cases, confidence is an illusion. Because the human brain can’t help but to find self-faults, there's no way every insecurity can be remedied. However, it’s certainly possible to navigate life through a self-confident place despite perceived self-doubts.

This is the secret sauce that INFJ’s are always trying to get a hold of. The missing piece that they see other’s wearing, but they can’t quite find for themselves. Similarly to how the INFJ can put on a good front of having their life well-maintained, they may come off as quite the confident person in certain settings.

However, without years of maturity and self-valuing lessons, the average person with this personality type can’t relate to feeling that innate sense of self-confidence that they are envious of in other people. Preferring to be on the side lines or behind the curtains, INFJ’s rarely walk into a room and make a grand presence.

Whether it’s confidence in looks, smarts or personality, they struggle with a notion of humility that actually ends up convincing them that they’re not all that. Usually resulting in the INFJ retreating and doubting their natural-born gifts. And lastly,

Their past selves

Life lessons, experiences and trauma can do a lot to a person.. And while the INFJ isn’t the most nostalgic personality type, preferring to focus on the future rather than the past or the present moment, they don’t always reflect on who they used to be.

However, when significant changes happen that make the INFJ feel stuck or miserable in their current life circumstances, they may begin to pull from their subconscious, times where they feel more at ease. Maybe they self-sabotage themselves out of an honest relationship, or they're looking back at all the opportunities they had as a young adult..

This reminiscing can send the INFJ into a mental loop of jealousy for who they used to be. Since every choice and change in their life is met with self-reflection, they may feel envious of the optimism they once held for the future that they can’t relate to anymore.