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Why Do INFJs Leave Relationships? (INFJ Breakup)

Since the INFJ is known to be such a caring and empathetic personality type, it can be surprising to some to know that they also are known to cut off relationships rather quickly. While breaking it off may look like a spontaneous and reckless decision from the outside looking in, for an INFJ it’s usually extremely well-thought out and long overdue.

Today we’re going to be talking about the 10 things that can surely make any INFJ leave a relationship. 

1. Fear of Living an Unconventional Life

INFJs walk to the beat of their own drum. They’re hesitant to fit themselves inside any box that society has deemed conventional, and they usually seek out friends and partners that have similar standards.   Most INFJs will never really be ready to settle down to live a conventional life because they have such elaborate imaginations that show them the realities they could be living.

So, when an INFJ is roped into a relationship with someone who claims they don’t agree with the mainstream way of living it can seem like the perfect match. However, overtime, fear of societal expectations and risk can make people change their desires in life.

When this happens in a relationship with an INFJ, they will almost instantaneously feel the lack of passion and drive for their unconventional vision, and this can feel seriously unsettling. When this doubt in an INFJs vision occurs, it’s usually not long before they make the move back to being the solo dreamer, opting to rely on nobody else but themselves.

2. Too Much Emotional Baggage

INFJs are like sponges that pick up on all emotions and energies that surround them on a day to day basis. In fact, since most INFJs are considered highly sensitive people and empaths, they tend to actually take on people’s emotions so fully that they can easily overlook their own personal emotions. 

Therefore, for an INFJ relationship to maintain optimal harmony, it’s crucial for them to seek out a partner who is emotionally stable. INFJs know this is a lot to ask of some people because they understand the hard work and dedication it takes for proper emotional stability, however, they know they have no other choice.

So, when an INFJ is stuck with someone who seems to be in a constant state of negativity, anger, sadness, or hurt, it can cause mental and emotional distress like no other, ultimately usually leading to a door slam of some sort.

3. Helping Someone More Than They Help Themselves

INFJs see the good in everyone, and sometimes it’s not as easy as it looks. This caring personality type is always willing to help because they can see that everyone has a great potential underneath all of their emotional struggles.

Therefore, INFJs are often intrigued by people who are so real with themselves that they don’t fear accepting a helping hand.

The kicker however, is that not everyone that accepts their helping hand is actually willing to put in their own work. For example, if an INFJ is in a long term relationship with someone who then unexpectedly lost their job, INFJs would be willing to put in all the effort to get their partner back into something they like doing.

They wouldn’t hesitate to job search while acting as an emotional support system for their spouse, however, they need effort from the other party in order to stay passionate. Without this mutual effort, INFJs can easily run themselves to the point of mental burnout which is a sign that distance within the relationship is long overdue.

4. Opposing Core Values

People say things they don’t really mean when in the moment of trying to impress someone. While INFJs usually have a good judgment as to who people are on a deeper level, they can easily be flattered into being convinced that a potential partner shares similar values as them.

Afterall, an INFJs morals and values are some of the most important things they cherish, because they know they’re so hard to find these days. And while it may seem like a near impossible task, INFJs look for romantic partners that share these values.

Whether it’s religion, politics, family life, work, or money - similar to their need for someone who is interested in an unconventional lifestyle, this harmony-seeking personality type needs to be on the same page in order for things to work in the long run.

5. Taking Life Too Seriously

While most INFJs would claim that they’re perfectionistic planners who need a steady amount of structure within their lives, they actually have a care-free fun side that refuses to take life too seriously. Although all INFJs have their times of being uptight, when they’re with someone they can really trust and open up to a whole other side of the INFJ is unleashed.

They require a level-headed partner who doesn't add additional stress to unideal situations and daily duties. INFJs require a balance between responsibility and enjoyment in life, so if their partner is to anal about the little things in life, you can be sure they’ll get the boot sooner or later.

Afterall, if you can’t laugh about the little things in life with your partner, life will seem pretty miserable for any personality type. 

6. Lack of Personal Space

As much as they’re hesitant to admit it, INFJs love attention, especially when it comes from the people they love. However, since we’re talking about the walking paradox personality type here, it’s no surprise that there’s such a thing as too much attention for the INFJ.

For optimal harmony, INFJs require someone who understands their need for attention sometimes, and personal space other times.. And it can definitely be a daunting task to decipher between the two at times.

So while it’s not always completely fair, considering the INFJ is sometimes hesitant to communicate their needs and wants within a relationship - naggy and clingy partners will almost always have INFJs running for the hills.

In fact, INFJs may even find themselves longing for a time when they didn’t have the additional responsibility of entertaining a relationship for this very reason.

7. Unethical Behaviour

Kindness, ethics and empathy are some of the biggest turn-ons for this caring type, and on the flip-side, unethical behaviors are considered a major turnoff.

Now it’s not to say that things like lying and cheating are some of the notorious break-up reasons for just about anyone on the planet, but, for an INFJ who requires trust above all else, even the smallest fibs can set off major red flags.

INFJs need more time to open up and trust their romantic partners - perhaps more than most other personality types - so once that trust is broken, it can be nearly impossible to win an INFJ back.

8. Inacces to Their Deeper Self

While some introverted personality types are reluctant to ask about their partner’s deepest thoughts, emotions, and past - these are the things that keep an INFJ coming back for more. Empathetic and extremely curious, the INFJ craves deep connections with their romantic partners, and really anyone else that they let in.

They’re not overly interested in the surface level details - they want to dive deeper and see what’s underneath all that social conditioning and expectations. They want to understand people’s aspirations, childhood stories, fears, dreams and hopes that make them into the person they really are.

So, when an INFJ feels a reluctance from their partner to open up, they can become extremely skeptical and maybe even begin feeling as if their partner is a complete stranger to them. Ironically, INFJs only reveal themselves layer by layer, rarely ever explaining their true selves.. Talk about hypocritical!

9. Unwillingness to See Multiple Perspectives

One-siders are like an INFJs worst nightmare, especially when it comes to romantic partnerships. With one of the INFJs greatest strengths being their ability to put themselves in other’s shoes and see situations from all angles, this personality type requires a great deal of open-mindedness when it comes to romantic partners.

In an INFJ’s eyes, biased opinions and one-sided views call for arguments and debates, 2 things they try to avoid at all costs. So, when they find themselves continually discussing never-ending debates with their partner, you can imagine the accumulated frustration this empathetic type must experience.

Luckily, this quality usually reveals itself within the first few dates, allowing an INFJ to run before digging themselves deeper. 

10. Intuitive Hunch

The last reason why INFJs leave relationships is for no other reason than an intuitive hunch. The strong intuition of an INFJ is usually a few steps ahead of their heart and mind, meaning even if they can’t see the issues to come - they feel deep down that the partnership won’t serve them for the long run.

This intuitive hunch can be something as simple as a reluctance to spend time with a romantic partner despite enjoying their presence in the moment.

Or maybe it’s a nagging inner voice telling the INFJ to move on. Whatever the intuitive message may be, this reason can seem rightfully unfair and confusing for the opposing partner - but intuition comes before empathy. Or at least that’s how it should be for this introverted intuitive type!